I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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