she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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