I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize