I didn't shave. On purpose
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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