It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize