forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
someone owes me an orgasm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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