mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
