Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
