Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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