please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
