Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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