Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
