Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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