I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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