Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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