Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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