I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
