hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
