I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
