you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
