So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
