Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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