If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
