Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
