Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
