You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
