A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
