Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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