put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
