At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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