that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
