what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
