did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
