He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
