k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
