You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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