I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
