question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it glows. i had to have it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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