Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All the doctor said was why
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
