You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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