Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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