i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize