dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
