dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
found the other keg... it's in the tree
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
