I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
