you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
