You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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