YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize