Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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