community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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