dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
