either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
