Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
