Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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