GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
