I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
