Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think i have herpe
just one?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
