i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
