Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
