Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
