Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
