well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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