Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
